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-"You're wearing gold pants!" (Jason to Lafayette,01x03)

-"Someone needs to get down on my Johnson" (Liam,01x03)

-"Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head, I don't think it gets much more personal than that." (Sookie 01x02)

-"I'm not so sure you even have another side; you no account backwoods trash!" (Sookie,01x01)

-"Don't say UH-OH! Vampires do NOT say UH-OH!" (Sookie,01x04)

-"Take your clip out?......May I? ...I can smell the sunlight on your skin..." (Bill,01x02)

-"Oh, but you have many other very juicy arteries. There's one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine." (Bill,01x01)

-"Sookie...This is very strange" (Bill,01x02)

-"We vamps are always in trouble...AND I'D PREFER TO BE IN IT WITH YOU." (Bill,01x04)

-"You're dumber than a box o' hair......and now u can't even get it up!?" (Dawn 01x03)

-"Giving Jason Stackhouse Vampire Blood is like giving ho-hos to a diabetic...You know he can't control himself." (Tara 01x05)

-"sCuse me...Who ordered the hamburger...with AIDS...In this restaurant a hamburger deluxe comes with french fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and...AIDS! Do anyone got a problem wit dat?....Aw baby its too late for that faggots been breeding your cows, raisin' your chickens even brewin your beer long before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother f*cker everything on your god damn table got aids...Well all you gots to do is say hold the aids here...eat it...Bitch you come into my house you gunna eat the food THE WAY I F*CKIN MAKE IT...Do you understand me?..Tip your waitress." (Lafayette 01x05)

-"Tell me sheriff, were any of these unfortunate women found exsanguinated? Were they completely drained of their blood? Because, a fresh corpse, full of blood, would be irresistible to any vampire. (licks his lips!) I dare say, not even I..." (Bill,01x05)

-"I got gout of the dick!!!" (Jason,01x04)

-" This isn't the time or the place for you marking your territory" (Bill)

-"Vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I perfer to be in it with you." (Bill,01x04)

Tara Thornton: My life sucks.
Sookie Stackhouse: Tara, don't you be fellin' sorry for yourself. That's just lazy.
Tara Thornton: But why can't I keep a job?
Sookie Stackhouse: Maybe because you can't keep your mouth shut.
Tara Thornton: Bitch, who asked you!
________________________________________________________

Bill Compton: Everyone is staring at us.
Sookie Stackhouse: Who cares what they think?
Bill Compton: Well, since I'm trying to make a home here, I do.
__________________________________________________

Lafayette Reynolds: You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lips... You gotta date?
Sookie Stackhouse: No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips.
Lafayette Reynolds:Yes, girl. Lets here it! These damn redneck are suckers for packaging.
Sookie Stackhouse: And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me.
Lafayette Reynolds:They ain't scared of you honey child. They're scared of what's between your legs.

-"You's a stupid bitch Jason Stackhouse" (Lafayette)

-"If she talked any more shit, she'd look like a turd." (Lafayette 1x06)

-"'Suppose she gets pregnant...How can she nurse a baby with fangs?!" (Arlene)

-"Don't you need a Ouija Board and some Chicken Bones?" (Tara)

-"I just paid four hundred dollars to watch you drown a possum." (Tara)

-"This is not the time nor the place for you to be marking your territory" (Bill-Sam)

-"Vampires are always getting into trouble , but i 'd rather be in it with you" (Bill-Sookie)

-"I always look forward to Monday nights, first I watch Heroes' then I have you." (Eddie to Lafayette 1x09)

Bill "May i call on you sometime"
Sookie: "Call on me?"
Bill "Come visit you at your home"
----------------------------------------------------------
Lafayette: Wait...you slept with Sam?
Tara: He barks in his sleep.
Lafayette: White people are strange.
----------------------------------------------------------
Cho: What's your game?
Bill: Excuse me?
Cho: You were playing Wii. What's you're game?
Bill: Golf.
Cho: What's your best score on Pebble Beach?
Bill: 7 under.
Cho: Mine's 11 under.
Bill: I liked Longshadow better.
----------------------------------------------------------
Lafayette: Excuse me. Who ordered the hamburger, with AIDS?
Redneck: I ordered the hamburger deluxe.
Lafayette: In this restaurant, the hamburger deluxe comes with french fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and AIDS. Do anybody have a problem with that?
Redneck: Yeah, I'm an American and I got say in who makes my food.
Lafayette: Well baby, it's too late for that. Faggots been breeding your cows, raising your chickens, even brewing your beer alone even before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother fucker. Everything on your god damned table got AIDS.
Redneck: You still ain't making me eat no AIDS burger.
Lafayette: Well all you gotta do is say hold the AIDS. Here...
*Lafayette picks up one of the hamburger buns and licks it.*
Lafayette: Eat it.
*Lafayette pushes the bun onto the redneck’s face and punches him.*
Lafayette: Bitch, you come in my house you’re gonna eat my food the way I fucking make it! Do you understand me?
*Lafayette takes the redneck’s plate and dumps the food into his lap.*
Lafayette: Tip your waitress.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I texted you three times. You didn't respond.
Bill: I hate having to use the number keys to type.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sookie:Hey, you shut your nasty mouth mister! You might be a Vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me
like the lady that I am!
------------------------------------------------------------
Arlene's daughter: Bill, why can't you have ice cream?
Bill: You might say that I'm lactose intolerant.
Arlene's son: Just like my Aunt Fern. Except she don't tolerate Mexicans.
------------------------------------------------------------
Jason: I just want to lick your mind.
Amy: Let's have lunch first.

Sookie Stackhouse: So I guess you've killed a lot of people.
Bill Compton: I killed a few by accident at first. I was never sure when I was going to get my next feed. But it's all different now. There's TruBlood, I can get donor blood from a clinic in Monroe, or I can glamour someone into letting me feed on them for love, and then they forget all about it.
Sookie Stackhouse: Did you feed on the Ratrays?
Bill Compton: Yes, after I had given you my blood while you were healing. You drank a lot of my blood.
Sookie Stackhouse: What will that do to me?
Bill Compton: Well, you'll have keener senses.
Sookie Stackhouse: What else?
Bill Compton: [pauses] Your libido will be more active.
Sookie Stackhouse: [blushes] Is that it?
Bill Compton: I'll always be able to feel you. I'll be able to find you fast. If you're ever in trouble, that can come in quite handy.
_____________________________________________________________

Sookie Stackhouse: Can you turn into a bat?
Bill Compton: No. There are those who can change form, but I'm not one of them.
Sookie Stackhouse: Can you levitate?
Bill Compton: No.
Sookie Stackhouse: Turn invisible?
Bill Compton: Sorry.
Sookie Stackhouse: Well Bill, you don't seem like a very good vampire. What can you do?
Bill Compton: I can bring you back to life.
____________________________________________________________

Lafayette Reynolds: Why come you won't call Jason Stackhouse?
Tara Thornton: You are a mean, nasty bitch.
Lafayette Reynolds: And you need to move your sorry ass outcha momma's house. Thats whatcha needs to do.
Tara Thornton: Yeah.
Lafayette Reynolds: All right, all right.But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky.
Tara Thornton: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky.
____________________________________________________________

Jason Stackhouse: Look, Gran. I am the man in this family.
Adele Stackhouse: You are a man in this family, but I'm the oldest person here and this is my house. You better respect me boy.
Bill Compton: Actually, I'm the oldest person here.
____________________________________________________________

Tara Thornton: Did he bite you?
Sookie Stackhouse: No!
Tara Thornton: Are you sure? Cuz you know they can hypnotize you!
Sookie Stackhouse: Yeah, and black people are lazy and jews have horns.
____________________________________________________________

Bill Compton: Jessica, stop!
Jessica: No!
Bill Compton: Stop!
[pulls her down on a rock]
Jessica: Why?
Bill Compton: Because we need to talk.
Jessica: [without caring for what Bill's saying] Why?
Bill Compton: Because there are things you must learn.
Jessica: Why?
Bill Compton: Because you are no longer human.
Jessica: Why?
Bill Compton: Because I've been trying to explain to you at length - you have been made vampire!
Jessica: [suddenly scared] Why?
Bill Compton: Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me.
____________________________________________________________

Eric Northman: [at Fangtasia, about Jessica] She's your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her?
Jessica: Excuse me! I can hear you, mister rude! I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. I'm hungry.
Bill Compton: She won't listen to me! It will take more time than I have to teach her obediance.
Jessica: I don't obey anybody! Those days are over.
Eric Northman: Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend. She's not even one night old.
Bill Compton: That is not the issue!
Eric Northman: [to Jessica] You wanna stay with you maker, don't you?
Jessica: No, he's a dick!... You're cute. Can I sit in your lap?
Eric Northman: No.
Jessica: [whinning] Why? Nobody let's me have any fun.
Eric Northman: Sit down! Close the door!
[turning to Bill]
Eric Northman: See, you have to be tough with them or they will walk all over you.
Bill Compton: I can see that. But you see how she is and there are urgent matters to which I must attend!
Eric Northman: Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her?
Bill Compton: If any harm were to come to her because of my absense, you would be...
Eric Northman: [showing his fangs] What?
Bill Compton: Without her helpful skills.
Jessica: Let me out! I wanna do something bad!
Bill Compton: I would be in your debt. I would return the favor.
Eric Northman: Oh, yes you will. You most definitely will.

Sookie Stackhouse: Your hand is cool.
Bill Compton: Yes. I'm afraid I'm not as warm as the men that you must be accustomed to.
Sookie Stackhouse: What men?
[blushes]
Sookie Stackhouse: So, what can I get for you tonight?
Bill Compton: What are you?
Sookie Stackhouse: I told you. I'm a waitress.
Bill Compton: No. You're something more than that. You're something more than human.
Sookie Stackhouse: [giggles] I beg your pardon?
Bill Compton: Sookie... that's an unusual name, Sookie. Is it short for something else?
Sookie Stackhouse: Nope. Just... just plain Sookie.
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Sam Merlotte: It would only be a matter of time 'fore you went off on somebody. I don't want to drive my customers away.
Tara Thornton: I only go off on stupid people.
Sam Merlotte: Most of my customers are stupid people.
Tara Thornton: Yeah... but... I could help you keep an eye on Sookie. You see the way she was looking at that Vampire? That is just trouble looking for a place to happen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sookie Stackhouse: [on the phone with Tara] This better be an emergency.
Tara Thornton: I just quit my job.
Sookie Stackhouse: Again?
Tara Thornton: I can't work for assholes.
Sookie Stackhouse: Well, I'm glad you can afford to be so picky, Miss Say-Hello-To-The-Rest-Of-Us.
Tara Thornton: Oh, shut up. Sam is not an asshole, and he's totally in love with you.
Sookie Stackhouse: Tara, he is my boss.
Tara Thornton: Jesus, Sookie, you need to lighten up.
Sookie Stackhouse: You know I hate it when you use the "J" word. Now, I gotta go.
Tara Thornton: I'm comin' over. I need a margarita... A big one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill Compton: May I call on you sometime?
Sookie Stackhouse: Call on me?
Bill Compton: Um... may I come and visit with you at your home?
Sookie Stackhouse: Sure. My grandmother would love to meet you. Oh! That reminds me. Can I talk to you after work? I have a favor to ask you.
Bill Compton: Of course. After all, I am in your debt.
Sookie Stackhouse: Not a favor for me, for my grandmother. If, if you'll be up... well, I guess you will be. Would you mind meetin' me around the back of the bar when I get off at... probably around 1:30?
Bill Compton: I'd be delighted.


Sookie: "Go on, hang your head right out the window if you feel like it."
Sam: "Yeah, I appreciate that, but it's a private pleasure."

-"Don't get it twisted hunny, I'm a Survivor first, a Capitalist Second, and a whooole bunch-a otha' shit after that, but a Hooka' dead last, so if I got even a Jew at an Al Qaeda pep rally shot at gettin' my black-ass outta this mutha' fucka', I'm takin' it; Now whatch' you wanna know?" (Lafayette-Eric)

-"You just shut your nasty mouth mister,you might be a vampire but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am." (Sookie-Bill)

-"Well, if you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in deep trouble. Tru-Blood: It'll keep you alive, but it will bore you to DEATH." (Eric-Bill)

-"This shit is goin faster than Fritters at a fat farm" (Lafayette)

-Bill: "Your bedtime will be at 4 am and not a minute later"
Jessica: "Whatever"
Bill: "And Whilst you're under my roof, hunting is completely forbidden"
Jessica: "Like I'd know where to find people in this bumf*** town. Are we even in a town?"
Bill: "We also recycle in this house. Tru Blood and other glass items go in the blue container. And paper products go in the white container"

-Bill: "Do you need me? I can meet you at the bar"
Sookie: "I always need you"

-"You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle...which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all." (Bill)

-"I shoulda known somethin was'nt right.The second you walked into my life carring that big bag a crazy. Cause any woman with purse that big is bound ta have somethin I donwanna know about." (Jason)

-"Discrimination against vampires is punishable by law in the great state of Louisiana. Personally, I don't give a f***. But I AM THIRSTY." (Malcolme)

-"You don't need any help to look like a fool" (Adele)

-"Lafayette: Hey. Hooker. How you doin’? What you doin’ here?
Tara: I work here.
Lafayette: Oh, no, the hell you don’t.
Tara: Oh, yes, the hell I do too, you ugly bitch. You need to make peace with that."

-"I want to kill people. I’m so hungry... And all you do is talk and I’m starving. You’re so mean! You supposed to take care of me, that’s what you said. And, oh, you SUCK! hoaaahahahahha That’s funny because you *do* suck..." (Jessica)

-"If you're gona accuse me of lying, be a man and say it out loud for pete's sake. Either way im gona hear you, whether you look me in the eye or not. Lets face it, theres not a whole lotta ideas in there. Like mice in a cage. I know youre grasping at straws, but dont drag my borther down with you." (Sookie-Andy)